Some really really really deep thoughts

Well... these are not mine but by some guy called Jack Handey.. since it was not copyrighted thought I would reproduce them here for you all to read.... Its really funny

If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go,
because, man, they're gone.
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If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them
down?  We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
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To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when
you walk around.  That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a
hand?"  You can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."
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One thing kids like is to be tricked.  For instance, I was going
to take my nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old
burned-out warehouse. "Oh no," I said, "Disneyland burned down."

He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a
pretty good joke.  I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but
decided to go home instead.
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The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
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If you lived in the Dark Ages and you were a catapult operator, I
bet the most common question people would ask is, "Can't you make it
shoot farther?"  "No, I'm sorry.  That's as far as it shoots."
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Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo,
flying across in front of a beautiful sunset?  And he's carrying a
beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful
painting with his feet.  And also, you're drunk.
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I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our
children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.
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If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell
him is, "God is crying."  And if he asks why God is crying, another cute
thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."
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If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the
mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.
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Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first
instinct is to laugh.  But then I think, what if I was an ant and she
fell on me.  Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.
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To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no
choreography and the dancers hit each other.
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I hope if dogs ever take over the world and they choose a king, they
don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with
some good ideas.
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If life deals you lemons, why not go kill someone with the lemons
(maybe by shoving them down his throat).
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Instead of having "answers" on a math test, they should just call
them "impressions," and if you got a different "impression," so what,
can't we all be brothers?
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Probably the earliest fly swatters were nothing more than some sort
of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.
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I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out
that I'd just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because
I was thinking about doing that anyway.
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I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate revolver.
And since he's so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him real
quick and hand it to him.
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Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word
itself. MANKIND.  Basically, it's made up of two separate words "mank" and
"ind." What do these words mean?  It's a mystery and so is mankind.
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If you go flying back through time and you see somebody else flying
forward into the future, it's probably best to avoid eye contact.
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It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money.  And I
guess that's what I like about it.  It's easy.  Just sitting there,
rocking back and forth, wanting that money.
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If you ever reach total enlightenment while you're drinking a beer,
I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
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To me, clowns aren't funny.  In fact, they're kinda scary.  I've
wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I
went to the circus and a clown killed my dad.
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As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red
again, I sat there thinking about life.  Was it nothing more than a
bunch of honking and yelling?  Sometimes it seemed that way.
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I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate.
And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.
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I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its eggs in
my brain, because later you might think you're having a good idea but
it's just eggs hatching.
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Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there,
in the room talking to you, which is why I don't like to read good books.
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What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing
and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get
drunk? And after you're real drunk, maybe go down to the public park
and stagger  around and ask people for money, and then lay down and go
to sleep.
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Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window?  The guy looks out
it, and if he leans too far, he falls out.  Wait.  I guess that's like
a regular window.
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During the Middle Ages, probably one of the biggest mistakes was not
putting on your armor because you were "just going down to the corner."
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If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like
I am now.
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When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call
the police. But then I got curious about it.  I picked it up, and
started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns.
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I remember how my great-uncle Jerry would sit on the porch and
whittle all day long.  Once he whittled me a toy boat out of a larger
toy boat I had.  It was almost as good as the first one, except now it had
bumpy whittle marks all over it.  And no paint, because he had whittled
off the paint.
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Here's a good thing to do if you go to a party and you don't know
anybody:  First take out the garbage.  Then go around and collect any
extra garbage  that people might have, like a crumpled napkin, and
take that out too.  Pretty soon people will want to meet the busy
garbage guy.
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Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights,
even if you don't know what your rights are, or who the person is you're
talking to. Then on the way out, slam the door.
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If you're a cowboy and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet
it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading
a magazine.
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If your friend is already dead, and being eaten by vultures, I think
it's okay to feed some bits of your friend to one of the vultures, to
teach him to do some tricks.  But only if you're serious about adopting
the vulture.
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Broken promises don't upset me.  I just think, why did they believe me?
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If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and while
you're in there some guys come and seal up both ends and then put it on
a truck and take it to another city, boy, I don't know what to tell you.
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One thing vampire children have to be taught early on is, don't run
with a wooden stake.
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If you go to a costume party at your boss's house, wouldn't you think
a good costume would be to dress up like the boss's wife?  Trust me,
it's not.
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Most of the time it was probably real bad being stuck down in a
dungeon. But some days, when there was a bad storm outside, you'd look
out your little window and think, "Boy, I'm glad I'm not out in that."
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Consider the daffodil.  And while you're doing that, I'll be over
here, looking through your stuff.
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For mad scientists who keep brains in jars, here's a tip: why not add
a slice of lemon to each jar, for freshness?

A very challenging week

Another challenging week went by... lot of things happened this week... our VP bid farewell to us... no clarity on who is gonna take his place... lot of politics.. lot of backstabbing... blood has been drawn.. now the fight is on... mind you.. it has gone from bad to worse... well that is office politics.

Coming to office politics.... I have identified three groups in any office...... the lions, the foxes and the hyenas....

The lions are the fighters who fight it out in the open... face to face... claws drawn... intimidating... aggressive.... hard ones.... will fight for oneupmanship, promotion anything.... They are the ones who live by the sword and die by it...... they are usually the ones who are left licking their wounds on defeat or having their lions share after a win...

Foxes are the ones with the shrewd ideas, the PR for the lions... the man friday... they are the right hands of the lions and see to it that their masters are always a step ahead of the other and wouldnt mind dealing a under-the-belt blow to others.... usually the ones to get a nice big share of the spoils in case of a win and may be suffer a little in defeats... but no wounds nothing....

Hyenas are the spectators.... they are the spectators ..... they wait for the battle to end and the spoils to be divided and the leftovers to be thrown to them.... they are the real scavengers.. they dont benefit much, but then their position is safe... no injuries... they are the sadists ... they just enjoy the fight....

It is the foxes and hyenas that everyone has to stay away from... lions are invited.. their competitiveness adds to an healthy environment in the office if kept within limits....

well well... that is it i guess for the week.... less talked about office politics the better.... now sleeping time.. time to think of the birds and bees.... he he ..... wat se.... ciao

Open letter to Shri. Amitabh Bachhan.

Dear Sir,
I cant believe that I am writing to you. It is a great honor to be writing to you. I am a big fan of yours and I was brought up on a staple diet of your sholay dialogues ( my dad is a bigger fan and he knows all your movies and their dialogues) I have been a ardent reader of your blog and I am deeply saddened by the recent posts. You have been hitting back at the media quite a lot and giving out explanations and defending your family a lot. Sir, you seem to have forgotten the golden rules. The media is like a big fart. It is air and it stinks, but you cant beat it or hurt it.. you just have to close your nose and let it pass. DONT REACT. When you react you hurt your image which you have painstakingly cultivated. When elephants walk, dogs bark. The elephant shouldnt take note of it.. just walk by..

It has become a staple of the media to take potshots at you knowing that you would react and then they would get 15 minutes of fame at your expense. Why give them that opportunity. We all know for who you are and what you are. So my humble request to you is please dont react. Update us with your thoughts, philosophies, your movies, your joys, your family and not reactions to the loop balls thrown at you by the media. I miss the stoic Amitabh who used to take all shots on his chin and smile through it and come out shining like a diamond. I miss that genuine diamond of a man.

Lots of love
SN

A tiring week !!!!!!!!

It was a bloody hell in the office.... With the big C coming in, its very hectic... Add to that some bitchy colleagues, some uninspiring juniors and some ugly big-assed girls... whoa how can a guy survive.. but i made it through.... got this @###$#% sunday to relax.... got up early at 3-30.. had a call to attend.... well.. cnt disclose what it was for..... the devil...... now a cup of coffee and Prisoner by Birth at hand... man this Archer guy writes good.... the name of the book makes me wonder .. arent we all prisoners by birth... at least we indians are.... prisoner to the bloody system and society.... we live a very staged life.... nursery to schoool to college to job to marriage to family to children to some more prisoners by birth.....

now my parents are after me to marry... why the hell should i... i dont believe in that nor am i interested.... i dont like the idea of spending my life working my ass off for the offsprings that i have only to have them kick me out when I am old ( not all do that - but now most do that)... why should I marry and settle/unsettle down.. when i can be bachelor, earn good, save good and lead a life like Heffner... well maybe not exactly a replica of his life... but then i can really enjoy explore and all that...... @#$% to MARRIAGE... @#%% to the SOCIETY THAT LOOKS DOWN UPON BACHELORS..... Man all bachelors are not sleazy and whore-visiting ones.... i can show you 100 married ones that visit them...... LIVE AND LET LIVE... well how about live-ins... I like that idea..... anyone interested ???? call me ?? ha ha he he

MoRe on ThE BoLlYwOoD BiTcHeS

Was just surfing through the channels and saw that the dog and the TRP saga is still being played up by the hyperactive baton-wielding newscasters with breaking news and such consisting of news such as " Aamir bole Shahrukh mere haathon se biscuit khaa raha hai." Wow!! and I though the country had got tired of this already. Now I guess the next will be Akshay saying "Shahrukh ne mere kele khaaye" now now.. all the nonstraight ones dont get any ideas..... hmm while i cant comment on shahrukh's nor Akshay's sexual preference... this time it is Akshay's pet langur named shahrukh who ate his "banana". Well arent they supposed to do that !! so why the brouhaha.. just coz his name is Shahrukh.... Eff you.

Now Shahrukh will hit back with..... Amitabh(i) pehle jaise doodh nahi deti (his buffalo named Amitabh[i])...... Aamir ki mating karane le gaya tha (Aamir his chihuahua)...... Akshay mere biwi ke saath sota hai (Akshay - his Siamese cat)... well well the last one is taking things too much out of the way.. what say Twinkle twinkle little star.....

Really dont know what the other stars would come up with...

What say Vivek..... Maine Salman ko maara..... now pray tell me who that salman is.. your cook ??....

If Karan Johar had said that "Maine Salman ki maari" oops "ko maara"... would have probably believed it.... wicked ha ha he he.... but then why not... Joh Baadshah ki maar sakta hai woh toh kisi ki bhi maar sakta hai... hain na????

Pissed off by the bitching blogs of the Big F@#$%^& stars of Bollywood

As busy as a Bee I was, I just couldnt hold it back. I was pushed off the proverbial edge and I had to react. Anybody tell me what the f#$% happened to our superstars ? When did these decent guys start bitching ? Ask me and I would say it is really immature and stupid with a big "S". One points out the TRPs of the other's show on his blog, and one names his dog after the other superstar and brags about it on his blog. Guys, drop it. You are supposed to be an ideal to others. Leave the bitching to the bitches and believe me we have many of them...... GROW UP.. ACKNOWLEDGE EACH OTHERS SUCCESS.... LIVE PEACEFULLY AS THEY DO IN HOLLYWOOD... Right !!!

Ahh.. been tired the whole eff'ng week.... the week prior was ok.... Been to Nasik and had a real good time.... had a stay at a queer little flat owned by Sharmaji.... thought of writing a book with the title of "Sharmaji ka Ghar"... seems like a Premchand creation.. who knows may even get the Jyaanpeeth for it... ha ha he he... more next time... this bee has to sleep now